Childhood Dreams & Broken Timelines

One of my earliest memories is proudly “breastfeeding” my favourite doll while shopping with my Nana. I was three years old and already playing Mum. That desire to nurture never left me. But life, as it does, had its own ideas.

At 35, I found myself married and divorced in what felt like the blink of an eye. That chapter—my personal “dark night of the soul”—left me raw, heartbroken, and convinced that I had somehow missed the boat. Society doesn’t do us any favours in this department. Once you hit your 30s, you’re labeled a “geriatric”, and suddenly everyone becomes an expert in reminding you that your biological clock is not just ticking, but practically exploding.

Mr. Maybe, Mr. Dunn & The Honest Conversation

After that, I spent three years in a sweet but ultimately misaligned rebound relationship with a lovely man, three years older, who wasn’t quite ready to have children. By the time he was, I was emotionally done. Enter Mr. Dunn (yep, the Universe does have a sense of humour).

He was also three years older, divorced, and kid-free—but refreshingly open to the idea of becoming a parent. Not wildly enthusiastic, mind you (classic Libra), but not opposed either.

I laid my cards on the table early: I didn’t want to be married again, but missing out on becoming a mother was a non-negotiable. If he wasn’t aligned, I would gracefully exit. To my surprise, he stayed in the conversation—with honesty, respect, and potential.

The Inner Work

Around my 41st birthday, I found myself on the floor after a kinesiology session with Dr. Peter Bablis. He unearthed some deep abandonment wounds, but more than that, he held a mirror up and asked: What’s really stopping you from becoming a mother? It was confronting.

As I explored this question, some uncomfortable truths emerged. One surprising fear? What if people said I was fat?—superficial, but real. After a teenage struggle with anorexia and a career in acting and modeling, body image issues had quietly rooted themselves in my subconscious. Pregnancy, with all its physical changes, triggered those old fears. I had to sit with them, feel them, and release them.

The reality is—pregnancy changes your body. You gain weight. You soften. You grow. And I had to make peace with that.

I also had to accept that there is no perfect partner. I had spent years falling in and out of love, mostly with the idea of love. I’d had so many whirlwind romances, and love had been my drug of choice in my 20s and 30s.

This time, I needed a real partner-in-crime. Mr. Dunn, devoted fish tank enthusiast and all, turned out to be a beautifully nurturing soul. Fertile goldfish and all, I could see the potential in him being an incredible dad.

Then there were the friends and family (you know who you are!) who pulled me aside and lovingly said, “Tick tock, Kaja… this guy is a go-er.”

Slowing Down, Tuning In & Doing the Work

My beautiful friend and yogi Stacy had warned me for years: “You need to slow down, Kaja.”

At the time, I was running educational programs at a central bank, teaching eight yoga classes a week, and partying every Friday night at the beach bar. Rest was nowhere to be found.

Eventually, I listened.

I committed to:

· A cleaner, plant-based diet

· Time off coffee and alcohol

· Acupuncture

· Yin Yoga and stillness

· Deep self-love

There was even a moment of divine comedy when a visiting American student doused me with “miracle holy water” (affectionately referred to as Jesus jizz) during a class at Bronte Surf Club. Hey, every little bit helps.

I also led a Winter Solstice Manifestation Workshop at Tamarama Surf Club, and I truly believe the energy that day cracked something open.

The Birth of Tama Yoga & My Little Manifestation, Anja

My daughter Anja was conceived not long after that Winter Solstice Workshop on June 22, 2019. Her due date? June 22, 2020—exactly one year later. (With a little help from Mr. Dunn, of course.)
But in the depths of lockdown, working from home, I needed a little more time… and I quietly hoped for a Cancerian over a Gemini. She kindly obliged, arriving on July 2.
Her name, Anja, spelled backward is Ajna—the third eye chakra. It’s all about intuition, manifestation, and inner knowing. Perfectly fitting for a girl with a psychic grandma like @mediumkerrieerwin.
Soon after, a friend walked past the Tamarama Surf Club and spotted a mural of kids doing yoga. She messaged me:
“It looks like you! When are you starting classes here?”
And so, Tama Yoga was born.Today, Anja (and her Dad) help me set up classes, and the Tama community continues to grow with grounded energy, heart, and laughter—plus a few fabulous headscarves, naturally.

Soon after, a friend walked past the Tamarama Surf Club and spotted a mural of kids doing yoga. She messaged me:

“It looks like you! When are you starting classes here?”

And so, Tama Yoga was born.Today, Anja (and her Dad) help me set up classes, and the Tama community continues to grow with grounded energy, heart, and laughter—plus a few fabulous headscarves, naturally.

Truth, Tears & Full Moon Magic

Even after all the healing, there were many moments of grief. Months where I thought “this is it!”—only for my period to show up. Each time, I had to surrender again.

Then one full moon, I gave up trying. I had a little bender, a big release, and threw away all the pressure. And wouldn’t you know it—that was the night she was conceived.

And just to seal the deal, I did a shoulder stand right after (while Mr. Dunn was in the shower), to help those swimmers get to the golden egg. It’s called dedication.

If This Is Your Dream—Start Now

I’m not a fertility expert, but I am living proof that it’s never too late. If becoming a parent is on your heart, my advice is this:

Start now.

Get honest with yourself.

Do the healing work.

And get out of your own way.

There is no perfect partner. No perfect timing. No perfect body. Just a perfect moment of surrender—and sometimes, a little moon magic.

Motherhood in your 40s? It’s hard. It’s humbling.

But it made me the truest version of myself. And I’m so deeply grateful.

With love, flow, and full hearts,

Kaja x

Yoga, Motherhood & the Miracle of Becoming ‘Mum’ in My 40s